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Slayer of Zombies' Journal


6th September 2001

12:04pm: waking with a jolt. a pain. is this what it means to be alive? to arrive from dreams to reality and feel pain. my eyes ache to see what i do not wish to know. to see that what is real is a harsh spacial solid of rules and moralities. at night with the mistress of darkness seducing me i wake with anxiety. i let the world over take me and i struggle for breath, i struggle to regain my superiority over myself. time races forward with my heart beat, my body moves without thought and reason. logic forgotten in the moment and left clumsily in my dreams. composure is a battle against losing myself. dream you lord of deception how have i have fallen for your mysticism.
as i find myself dancing with dreams at school my mind aches from the short excursions. the pain behind my naked eyes sickens and immobilizes me at times. the light of reality so harsh and real, i beg for the translucence of dreams. head slowly falling, you come and seduce me into you. images of friends and loves beckons me to happiness in forgetfulness. some people have drugs to get away. i believe that dreams and sleep are much more addictive and painful.
why is it that my body aches and my mind loses it control and my eyes burn from the harshness of being real? do we travel beyond our bodies? crawling into the nothing of a fifth dimension. a dimension where we create what will be through our own rules. some believe our dreams are a look into ourselves. maybe that is why i hurt. i have traveled so far beyond my reality and into my dark soul that i almost lose my way. the path back is broken, torn and ripped from under me. as i fall in my dreams i do not fall i rise back above and outside of myself. to swim through ones consciousness is tranquility and the best magnifying glass.
Current Mood: contemplative
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